Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
