I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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