worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
