Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
