i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
