the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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