shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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