Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
