Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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