Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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