so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize