Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
