Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
