Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
