omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
