then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
