That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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