Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i out mim tonsoeep
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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