They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
