That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
