Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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