drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
