obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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