Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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