Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
