feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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