I can tuck mytits in my pants
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize