Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize