so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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