He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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