One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
