Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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