were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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