Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
God, I missed his penis.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
