I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
