Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
