nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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