porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I don't deserve a penis
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
