My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
