i love accidental penises.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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