How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
