There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
