Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
