take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
