Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
