i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
