He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
