Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
