it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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