I look better un-naked...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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