Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
