Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
