Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
