I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
