Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Randomize