so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
