so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
