When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
