You smell like a Billy Joel song
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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