dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
