i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
