this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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