My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
