the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
