i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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