idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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