There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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