I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
