Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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