I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
