I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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