I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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