So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
