you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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