I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He did a backflip because drugs
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
