Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
