i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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