Just fell off a train. Bad.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
