She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
